I used to.

Have you ever felt helpless when things all around you seemed to be a mess.

Family, friends, boyfriends, school, children, work...

I used to wonder what my grandmom was referring to when she would say, if it’s not one thing it’s another. I was young when I would hear her say it and had no clue of what the years ahead of me would hold.

Turned out to be just that ...one thing or another. Its’s the cycle of life right, peaks and valley’s.

I can remember even as a young buck I had fun running around with my girl friends, things were carefree but even then I would mess up by coming in past my curfew so I dare not ask to go to the house party that everyone was going to be at.

Or that first encounter with a boy that turned carefree into ...teenage motherhood. The most beautiful and hardest responsibility of my life. (Another story for another day). But where will there be time to balance being a teenager and a mother. (Boy...I can't thank my mom enough...but still a story for another day.)

I used to wonder why am I the target for things not going my way.

Then there was college.... I would think where are the extra funds coming from beyond what my parents could give me so that I could “enjoy” college life. That meant eating food other than from the cafeteria or having funds to go to the local club where all of us college kids hung out.

I used to feel helpless when things were going haywire all around me. In my head I was trying to get it right but reality was, no I wasn't. I was, what I call, playing around with the many choices that were in front of me. Sometimes I got it right and other times not so much.

In those days I really was spinning thinking what in the world...I just need to catch a break here.

It’s funny as I write this because not only is hind sight 20/20 but so is maturity and wisdom.

I had Jesus right, so I knew to say a “little” prayer here and there. All for my own selfish reasons of course lol. I can laugh now because Jesus knew my heart...just like he knows yours. Just when you want to do right the opportunity to choose what feels good comes into play.

Now don't mistake those prayers for feet dug in. I had God, for sure but I had him based on going to Sunday services, vacation bible school, bible study and choir rehearsals with my Grandmom [and later my mom]. And maybe, just maybe studying the Bible a few times a year. I was just barely getting by or not really. I would like to think that I was on a buddy pass in my mom’s prayer list. That's what was sustaining me.

I really used to get so frustrated with how things were going for me but did not slow down quick enough to breath and understand that I life will happen good and bad but I couldn’t just keep saying “little” prayers here and there or just hope that it’ll just work out.

I needed to be intentional. Intentional about getting it right more than some of the time. Intentional about the lessons learned. Intentional about what I wanted. Intentional about my life. Intentional about where my help came from. Intentional about God.

I could no longer be helpless in what was happening around me. We all have different timings in life when we have to take the reigns but when we do helpless is not an option.

God is your source and the good part about that is even when you haven’t found Him YET He has you. You can not afford to feel helpless when you have a stacked hand. You have to play it to win.

Xo